Zim & Chris' Turkish (Mis)Adventure

Despite having whittled my bag down to the smallest possible, I still have room for my axe which now comes everywhere with me. I am very supprised that more people havent tried to take it off me. Even as I pass through metal detectors the security just give me a look like I am mad and let me through. Surely a madman with an axe in a crowded public place is a bad thing?

All my worldly possesions

We arrived in Izmir on a mission to see a man about a dog and were met by said man off the bus who immediately set the wheels in motion. Despite being the good friend of a good friend, he was no friend of ours. From the outset he and his friends expected us to buy them drinks and pay for everything! When we could afford to buy them no more we went back to one of their houses where we really got to know them better. The crazy man, The even crazier one
This man was more in need of mental help than anyone I have ever met in my entire life

and the frightening one with the tattoos

who had recently spent 5 years inside for a crime that they were unwilling to explain.
A trip to the disco later in the evening was aborted after our host pulled a whitey so we went back home and spent the evening listening the the crazed rantings of one guy while being beaten by the dog we had just acquired

By the time we left kalkan we had made so many friends that we actually had to go round saying good byes to everyone. We had met some truly wonderful people, most notably our friend Carol whose name is actually Karen

Our hunt for the Holy Grail took us to Kalkan where within minutes we had befriended half of the town and settled in nicely. Kalkan is a busy English colony in summer but a quiet building site at this time of year which we became part of after we became friends with one of it's hardest workers.
We were invited for a free lunch on our first day and then decided to accompany our friend Berdush to his work where we helped him relocate a large community of rocks.

Our latest best friend - Berdush
5 hours manual labour later we were very happy not to be winter builders in Kalkan, and respected our friend much more for his hard work. More than berdush however, we respect Jay Jay who did half a days shift and got more than twice the work done. To Jay Jay rock relocation was more of a gentle workout.

Jay doing more than twice what chris can

The next chapter of our journey was to be a 500 km walk along the Mediterranean coast. This month long walk was one of the Sunday Times' top ten walks. In our trademark style there was little to no planning involved before we set out armed only with an axe. Being the first time either of us had owned an axe we were giddy at the thought of being hunter-gatherers and getting back to our roots. (More gathering and less hunting as neither of us has the stomach for murder.) After buying one small bag of instant soups, tea bags, and bread we began our walk from the predominantly English town, Ölüdeniz, which at this time of year is nothing more than a beach-front ghost town.

Room wıth a view - The lagoon at Ölüdeniz

As we entered the forest the sun was beginning to set and so we made ''camp'' on the headland overlooking the lagoon in the bay. To say that we were unprepared is an understatement. After making a fire and destroying a few trees we camped for the night on a bed of ferns using a tiny piece of plastic that we had found on the way as a (useless) wind break. Before we attempted to sleep we stoked the fire and drank some beers we brought for our first night in our new home, the wilderness. We were not asleep for very long when we were woken by the drizzle which we ignored for a few hours in the hope that it would pass. Soon drizzle turned into rain and rain into a thunderstorm. We quickly packed up our things and started back towards the town. Walking in the dark and rain made it hard to find the path and of course we were lost in no time. To make matters worse we stumbled across a wild boar. With axe in hand we continued to find our way back to the path. When we eventually made it back to the town we tried in vain to find a place for the night, but with nothing open we started along the road to the next town (10 km away). Thankfully we were picked up by a drunk bar owner who spent the whole ride complaining about drunk drivers.
Two hours after leaving our camp we were finally back in a warm and dry place to sleep. This was a valuable learning experience for all of us. We have decided to stay in this town buying the essential supplies we neglected to buy prior to our first ill fated trip. (Sleeping bag, tent/rain proofing, food and water, a map and most importantly an egg producing chicken!)

WARNING:
The events above have been conducted by professionals (ha) and under no circumstances should you try to recreate the events in your own home.

Pamukale is a very weird and wonderful place, some might say magical. Indeed in days gone by the waters of the hot spring there were thought to have magical healing powers. All bollocks of course but you know what these ancient types were like. The main attraction is these incredible lime terraces that spill hot water over the mountain in to the valley below.

The wind at the top of the mountain was so strong that even a fat bastard like Zim had trouble standing, but the bad weather meant that we had the entire place to ourselves. We made a deal with one of the people working at our hostel to drive us in the back way for a tip that would be less than the entrance fee and we were dropped off behind this Roman theatre.

Herapolis Amphitheatre

We found out later that the student discount would have saved us more money, but there is nothing better than slipping into a place for free only to find that you are the only ones there. It makes it less discreet, but more fun. After we walked through the ruins of Rome we found ourselves in the famous limestone pools of hot-spring water. The water was slightly less hot and more on the luke warm side, but we took off our shoes and walked through the pools none the less. We were yelled at from above at one point but we have found that most of the time if you are doing something wrong where no one can come get you then you are safe from punishment and we continued our descent without worry.

Not quite the weather for a dip

In closing, we hope to remove the stigma attached to Pamukale as every photo and brochure of this place carries the same woman with her fat ass hanging out of a poorly designed swimsuit.

On the day before valentines day I prayed to the Sun - My new God - to deliver unto us two Japanese girls for us to spend Valentines day with. The very next day bright and early who should join us in our cave hideout, but two girls from Japan. They weren't Japanese, they were Thai, but they both live in Japan so I could hardly fault the sun for that. I have finally stumbled across a religion that grants wishes!

A Gift from the Sun

They were very lovely girls and laughed at everything that we said and many things that we didn't. More often that not they would misunderstand what we said and reply to a completely different question, but we managed to get by. They spoke mostly Thai which is such a beautiful language. It makes them sound like a deaf cat if you can imagine such a thing, like a muted whine. Unfortunately they were only staying in Cappadocia for a few days and so we didn't have much time to spend with them so we decided to join them on the next leg of their adventure to Pamukale to see some Roman ruins and bizarre white terraces. So the following day we all upped and left leaving much of Cappadocia unexplored so we will have to come back again soon.

Sunset over Göreme

This is for that special girl in my life...

I am sure that you all know who you are.

Contemplative Pose

Today will be spent walking for the third day in Cappadocia. It is actually a perfectly romantic place if you were here with the right company. Chris is good fun and a great guy to travel with, but I have lines and gender is one of them. Either way it is beautiful. It is quite the wierdest place ever, sort of like a cross between Narnia and Luke Skywalker's home planet. The landscape has been formed by the Volcano which can be seen in the distance threatening everything below it in a sort of cute way as it is topped in snow. It is a cross between water erosion and volcanic ash mixed with Christian Churches and let to sit for hundreds of years that has sketched the backdrop.

Large Penis like monstrosities dot the landscape

It is an orchard of ash cones that ascend from the valleys. Some with animal tracks in the snow as the only evidence of life and others with churches or homes inside . Many with walls down and others still with paintings on the walls. The views are amazing and the diversity of the portrait makes it an easy place to just walk around for hours. The peaks with rooms add an element of fun and adventure. There are caves and tunnels, cliffs and snow slides. It is an amazing place to wander and with the snow everywhere it becomes magical.

Someone's House - Belive it or not

We have spent two full days just walking, climbing and eating icicles. It was while I was climbing into the third floor of a "house" or old church (it was too weathered to say for sure) that I managed to injure myself. Chris had climbed to the third floor by using some footholds worked into the wall. The footholds lead to an enclosed area about 7 feet above the ground and directly over a hole that lead to the first floor. The enclosed bit had foot/hand holds on all four sides and was itself around 6 feet high. All of this is confusing I know, but really it was just climbing about a story or so over a hole that would put you down two stories if you fell while climbing. Chris went up with no issue. I also had little problem. I was around half way up with I used my left hand to lift myself and as it twisted a little my shoulder dislocated. Luckily I did not fall as it would have made for much worst injuries. I popped my shoulder back into place finished climbing up and then eventually down. It has since left me with quite a pain in my shoulder and lifting my arm above my head is an issue at which I tend to complain about, but all in all I am fine and today is another day of exploration. We have been having a very Indiana Jones last few days. We are even living in a cave!

Sunrise over Göreme - Cappadocia

Unfortunately neither Zim nor I had a spare $200 to spend on a balloon ride. Donations will be graciously accepted!

Our trip to Ankara, Turkey was planned for one reason and that was for us to get visas to Syria. We both knew that we needed letters of recommendation from our embassies and so as soon as they opened we were there at the British Embassy where Chris paid good money to get a letter saying he we a good enough Brit to go to Syria. After the British Embassy we went down the road to visit the American Embassy. They were less helpful and only offered me a letter informing the Syrians that no such letter would be given to American citizens for visas. I would be happier to be a pawn for a country who's politics I supported more, but I guess we don't get to choose. The woman who was the speaker for the Syria government couldn't have been more rude to me, but I guess she thought it was a choice I had. She when as far as to practically yell at me that she had memorized the letter the Embassy had given me and no visas were given to people without the fore mentioned document. Eitherway, I am not pleased as my plan was to go to Syria with Chris and now that looks less possible. According to the Syrian's I can go to Washington DC or I can't go to Syria.

Istanbul is a lovely place. I recomend everyone to go there. We met beautiful people everywhere we went and the place is pretty nice to look at too

Blue Mosque - Sultanahmet

I am sure that this is not supposed to happen

Within a few days we have become best friends with our new-found Turkish chums. We spend nearly all day with them for days and they insist that we never leave and always stay one day longer. The first time that we spent the night at our new friend's house we were introduced to the enormous collection of weaponry that he keeps under his bed. Not only does he have numerous swords and knives to suit any occasion, he also has two fully loaded handguns. We were even more suprised to find out that he has one of these guns on him nearly all of the time, like our own personal armed escort. I am sure that for Zim this is quite a normal thing but that kinda thing just isn't normal where I come from. We are still not altogether sure why he feels so paranoid as it is certainly not a particularly dangerous city (unless you run into him) and to make it even harder to understand, he is just about the nicest person that you could ever hope to meet.

He insists on taking us out everywhere and paying for everything as well as escorting us home at night or letting us stay at his house. What more could we ask for... All of this and we can't even communicate properly. We have picked up loads of Turkish in the short time that we have been here and so with the aid of Tarzanja (Sign language) we can say pretty much anything.

On the boat from Asia to Europe.

Zim's first day in Istanbul. Accost seven Turkish dudes in the street who we see are concealing Rizzla. The white rolling papers grabbed our attention like a Pakistani to a gun show. We followed them down to the waters edge and get smoked out. We then spend the rest of the day with these Turkish dudes who spoke no English... Not one word! Drink tea, play backgammon, smoke in park, and after a day of other fun confused activities go back to their house to watch Turkish hip-hop TV. With the aid of various teenage contraptions we enhance the hip-hop with some Turkish plant life.

Despite the purchase of this dictionary we were still unable to communicate with any of these people. Our hands proved to be the best dictionary of all.

As the offer is made for one of them to go and be the delivery boy for our dinner we decide that we have sat for too long and propose getting the boat back to Europe that we had taken to Asia that morning. We eat a hearty meal of Chip Buttie (French Fries in bread).

The Healthy Vegetarian Alternative

Our personal escort (one of the dudes we had been chilling with) takes us to have some tea and listen to a teahouse full of Turkish people belting out songs by a Turkish man on guitar. There we meet his sister and her friends and the day goes from good to much better. His sister and her friends then bridge the continental gap with us to bring us back to our hostel. There we start a party at the bar in the basement, and it doesn't take long for word to get around. The place fills pretty quickly and the music get louder as the place is packed with dancing. One of the workers at the bar gets really drunk and to the amusement of everyone in the place starts to work all the girls in the room with more effort then success. After our friends sister tells us that her father owns three guns and will kill her and us if we do not get them home on time we escort them back to a taxi, but cancel our plan to leave the next day in hopes of meeting them again. One of our friends (an Israeli American) is befriended by one of the Turkish group (a Syrian Turk in full hejab) by the time they get in the taxi she has given him her ring and a signed A3 photo of herself. On our walk back to the hostel we are stopped by the same police twice and asked the same questions both times. No matter where you go the police suck and boredom makes them suck even more. As we get to our hostel we decide we are not ready for sleep and go down to the bar again which is now closed. We meet up with another friend and sit in the bar talking about our day and other shit. Our drunken friend the barman gets into a physical fight with his boss after his boss throws a CD at his head. Zim intervenes only to divert the bosses aggression on to him. Chris ever the diplomat manages to get us free beers and makes peace. All is well as the boss passes out in front of the TV that is not on (sshhh he doesn't know). Pretty good first day out in Istanbul. Who knows what tomorrow has in store...?